to have to remain positive all the time.

Got home later than usual today with full bladder, empty tummy, tired mind & body, DYSFUNCTIONAL LIFTS (which was ok after 15 minutes of waiting). Happy that I came home to homecooked dinner by Mum.. We haven't really had dinner at the same table (at home) for a really long time.

However, they'd finished eating and were looking at me eat while chatting away. Mum was mentioning about a job opportunity which she thinks I'd be interested in (which I am).. And then I told her how much I'd like to work in that line. And she suddenly said this, "you can meh? Your English so cha." so usually I'd be crushed on the spot but I didn't. I remained calm. And then she continues, "if you're good, it will catch my attention when I read your essays, which it didn't." So I just say what I usually say "you are always negative about me.." And she added, "you want me to lie to you ah?" So that completely SHUT me up. I was really hurt and speechless. I didn't even bother to reply her. I went off, washed the dishes and went into my room. I'm just really, really sad that I seem to be never good enough for her (not sure about my dad coz he just never comments). I cried. I don't remember how many times this same incident (same words, same message, negativity) happened but they are uncountable. I grew up with compliments from outsider but seldom from the people whom I hold close to me. I just had to live with it. And every time when I bring this (my feelings) up, Mum would say that I am too sensitive.

I went to the toilet, still thinking of the negatives spoken to me and suddenly recalled a story shared by someone whom I admire.

A story of how she GREW OUT of the really awful stuff her mum said and made her believe that she was all bad. Because she knew they weren't true, she knew she has so much of good about herself and that was because she had finally understood how much effort God puts in creating her and how God thinks of her, it made me feel so much better. And then I am reminded again that I am wonderfully made. THANK GOD for letting me remember so well!

Whatever drama that was happening up there didn't only happen because my "English isn't good" okay... but many other things I wouldn't want to mention here (in case I suddenly appear to be a drama queen to you).

So ya, now that I got myself back up again, I'd like to say to many other people who are always hearing negatives from your loved ones, LET IT GO! Keep the good, throw the bad. Never believe that you are stupid, ugly, etc. But remember, there's a fine line between negative comments (that destroy you) and constructive criticisms (that grow you). All the best!

It's either you believe in the negatives and mourn all day or you LET IT GO and believe you are BETTER than that.

Life's gonna be better tomorrow! Goodnight!